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[Sticky] Do Trans People Take Themselves Too Seriously?  


I really wanted to open this question and topic up for some serious debate.

As a trans woman, dating back to early childhood, I think that I have been guilty of taking myself too seriously at times. Even today I feel myself over thinking things like 'Do I look super feminine in these clothes' or 'Should I wear that short skirt as I might get noticed as Trans?'.

Maybe I take myself too seriously when it comes to exhaustive research on my website articles, especially as other transgender people can be ultra critical on trans related topics.

We would really welcome your answers to this question 'Do we take ourselves too seriously?'.

Edited: 6 years  ago


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Honestly, it depends on my day.  If I'm feeling really dysphoric, I want to look as male as possible... though since I'm not on hormones... I will always look feminine which ticks me off... And then, when I get misgendered as I'm presenting as male, it bothers me... Though, I always remind myself... "I'm just a caterpillar waiting to become a butterfly... They don't see the male that I am on the inside and they won't until I come out of my cocoon."  I don't know, sometimes I take myself seriously, other times, I'm like eh, whatever, let them misgender me, it's whatever.  So, it really depends on the day.


yes-- it's my observation that trans people, esp. women, take themselves too seriously. A great many trans women are so driven by fear and insecurity that they constantly refer all attention to themselves. They are often competitive, and sometimes invasive in their neediness. I understand this and many of us are black holes of dispair and loneliness, but I think we have to resolve to live in the moment and not attempt to control everyone else. No one can do that anyway. Enjoy being you without having to get noticed or tell everyone "look at me!" At least you can avoid being diagnosed with histrionic personality disorder.


Yes and no.

Yes because, well, circumstances really bring forth the need to fight-- the T in LGBT is probably the most fragile, the most discriminated against, the most laughed at from all sides, so. Even from inside the community. It makes for really wounded people; there's a reason we have the highest suicides rates, except perhaps that of indigenous people in the upper North.

And No,

Because I feel that it's not the right question. Taking ourselves seriously isn't really an issue per say, it's more of a normal human reaction in this world, that would take some mountains to move to change. When you have to push in all directions and constantly to be taken seriously by the medical system, by employers, by employees, by family, by school, and so on... that giving up pushing means death, I say no, making fun of oneself isn't really something to go for.

 Maybe the question should be more along the lines of: Why are transgender people so judgmental of one another?

 Or: What would be ways to create an atmosphere for trans people to be more relax and less defensive?

 Hope I helped 🙂



I'm still coming to terms with my own identity, so I can't say if I take being transgender too seriously yet. 

But I think many of my problems to date, is that I have not taken my gender issues seriously, in fact I have tried to deny it, ignore it and fight it. 

I think it is about time I took my gender seriously, and I have some serious catching up to do.


No'll catch up....and rather fast too. At least that was my experience and the experience of other trans women I know. Once you've addressed the denial there's no turning back.


I say yes...many trans women do seem to take themselves too seriously.  But I kinda get it.  Through a lifetime of being uncomfortable and not fitting in, I know how easy it is to become very guarded with the world.  Many gals are constantly on 'high alert' for even the tiniest slight.

Having said that, I think it is so important to let the past go for your mental health an well being.  Before I accepted myself, I was absolutely miserable.  I was constantly clinically depressed and anxious.  Life brought me no joy.  The only emotions I could feel were anger and sadness.  Simply put, I was a miserable guy.

But, I made a conscious effort to leave that all behind.  I wake every morning and end each day focusing on the positive.  I decide to be happy.  And that seems to make all the difference.  I have positive interactions with virtually everyone I meet.  I think it is because I am friendly and happy.  Unfortunately, many folks expect trans women to be bitches due to their own experiences.  I think that when presented with a positive attitude, most people can't help but be nice.

You can't take yourself too seriously.  You've got to relax, be willing to laugh at yourself and understand how confusing our condition is to those around us.  I firmly believe that the single best way to spread awareness is to serve as a positive example.  I make it a point to do that with every interaction and it pays with a happier life!


Edited: 6 years  ago

I think in the beginning when we transition, every piece of clothes is scanned and scanned again like, if you a trans man it is scanned like: does it hide my chest, is it not too hot with my binder, can it hold my packer, do I look masculine and with women the same questions, only different. The more we relax into ourselves, many of us start to look different at clothes cause they gonna see more of themselves then so then we get an idea how we look like for real. About being critical about movies or media exposure. Yes, we still need to do that but I can understand how tedious that must look like or how nitpicking. But the thing is, not only do we have to educate people still, but also the media, politics and healthcare. And if you watch how easy all rights can be taken from us as it happens now again, yes then we need to continue all this boring work and keep going. In how we relate to each other, well yes sometimes I think, wow it looks like we living in Butthurt Town, on the other hand, well many live with stress and all confusing things really, so I try to hold that in account. Some stuff, like people being afraid their singing voice will change after they start hrt, well then words like spoiled, or entitled comes in mind. On the other hand I could maybe think, well how great that this person have the luxury to worry about that and not having to worry to end up in prison or worse .

Edited: 6 years  ago

No I don't think we take ourselves too seriously. I DO think we are very critical of ourselves and there are a lot of legitimate reasons for this. I believe all trans people need to be a little kinder to ourselves. ME included. We are all doing the best we can!


Oh hell no.  The first person I learned to laugh at was myself and it's served me better than anything else I picked up along the way... Sure - I can be serious when tact or my ass in general depends on it but I'd rather not be.   I spent too long taking myself way too seriously.  It landed me lots of expensive stuff but I don't have it anymore by choice.  I quit my sure thing cushy job in the murder industry (aerospace kinetic ordinance) and make virtual reality goggles for a tiny game company in Bellevue.


I'm trying not to, but I am still very conscious of who I am.  Sometimes I have a nice experience, like this morning at a singing group I belong to.  One of the other women came to me and said they are planning to have a few social gatherings in the weeks when there aren't practices over the rest of the summer.  She wanted one of the women to commit to arriving early and making sure people were welcomed - would I do one?  I said I would, and afterwards I realised I'm just one of the women there.  Even though I sing bass.  I do feel the need for this sort of affirmation.


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