Yes I am starting a conversation, that I believe should be had, about sex drive when we are trans.
You see, I've been in the trans community for about 7 years, in person and online, in several groups and such. I've been listening, and one problem that really comes up without really being heard --or talked about-- is the somewhat different libido that we have. It's because it's an uncomfortable topic, as very understandably most of the community doesn't want to loose credibility.
But the lack of an open conversation about this also has the adverse effect of further isolating folks, who often feel that there's something wrong with them. If they reach out to see if somebody else feels that way, they're almost immediately silenced by the rest.
For real though, I've really noticed that trans people often have a relationship with sexuality and desire that's somewhat out of the social norms, maybe that's one of the ways to cope with the dysphoria? Said like that, it really does sound like an oversimplification.
- What do you think?
- Have you noticed what I noticed?
- Do you think we should try and talk about it more in the community?
Thank you for starting this topic, and yes, this is something that many transgender people go through.
Certainly 'Gender Dysphoria' and hormone therapy (HRT) play a part in this libido question, however we would be eager to hear other peoples experiences and/or views on this subject.
Here are 5 of our most popular transgender hub articles: (Links open in new window)
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I agree with you MikeyMik. I think we should discuss but the topic is not for every one. I think that for people to feel comfortable to discuss the topic they need to unveil their stigma on the definitions of right and wrong. Ince that veil is removed it is easy to accept that what social convention defines a deviant is just an obsolete definition of what can or cannot be done in terms of sexual expression, privately or not.
Yes, hormones impacts our libido. Is it an effect (that alleviates the sexual side of disphoria) or an undesirable side-effect? I think that each of us could have a different valid answer. Here in Montreal there is an asexual group that claims to live a life without any libido. Possible? Why not? I think it is a valid condition.
Montreal, Quebec, Canada
You have a point, Katherine. Perhaps if the reasons this conversation is uncomfortable were gone, the reasons to have this conversation would also be gone.
To make a return on asexual group, well I don't know much about that, and to be honest I can barely imagine what it would be like, but I respect it. I respect that some people view it as a condition, and some people view it as a valid personality trait that they wouldn't change even if they could.
But on the topic of sex drive, I can mainly talk about what I know and what I've lived. Secondly I can talk about what I've been told. Which means I can talk about it from the standpoint of a binary middle-aged trans man who is about 3 years in HRT.
I'm going to get to that later today when I have more time!
For transmen, they say that almost all of us will feel an increase in sexdrive with the start of HRT.
But what I really noticed, is a bunch of transmen smiling at the topic because their sexdrives were already up in the roof long before starting T. I also see some who are worried about starting T for fear their drive would become even further out of control. I see quite a few who feel like they are afflicted with sex addiction.
I also noticed that things smooth down and relax nicely further down in transition. I believe that it's due to our being more at peace with our bodies, how they work, how they look, how they feel. Not that we're having less sex; far from it, and it might even be better than before. It's just less.. frenetic, desperate? More right, more peaceful, to say the least. Maybe not peaceful enough to admit just how much we're into it, but close.
If I can conclude this part by wishing I reassured somebody who felt that maybe he was too weird to talk about this, too out there away from the norm, well I'd feel like my writing served its purpose.